My Squash Journey

Orginally posted on FB in October 2020.

Ambition. Anxiety. Competition. Struggle. Injuries. Rehab. Prehab.

Learning about my own body, my strengths and weak spots.

Nutrition. Psychology and mental game. Meditation. Visualization.

Teaching. Learning. Joy. Focus. Balance of tension and relaxation.

Grit & perseverance. Pushing myself way further than I ever thought possible.

Today is World Squash Day

And looking back at the journey - it's been a helluva ride. And to celebrate and reflect, I decided to put together three posts about squash.
What is squash, you ask? No, it's not squash the fruit, often confused for a vegetable. It´s the game I passionately love with all my heart.

It's safe to say racquet sports have been my thing. I've played table tennis for over 20 years, tennis for 7, badminton for 3, and now squash for over 10 years.

But it was only when I'd played squash for some years I realized that I've found a game that captures my essence, a game that I'll never stop playing.

I've seen 70+ year olds play well, so I'm calculating I have a solid 40 years of squash ahead of me.

The more I played and learned, the more I started to appreciate all the nuances, and the combination of power, speed, fortitude and mental effort it required.

I've often called it "chess on legs". I know several people (me included) who love to play both chess and squash. Looks like a odd combination at first glance, but makes sense when you think about it. So many possible decisions, strategies and tactics, geometry, lightning quick decisions, and a whole lot of mental effort needed to stay in the arena.

Each passing year I thought there's no way I can love this game more than I already do, and each year I proved myself wrong.

There were pro players to fanatically follow, trainings on how to be a coach to attend, players of all levels to teach, and of course endless hours to put in to hone my own skills.

I'm in awe watching the professionals - of the dedication and commitment that goes into doing anything at the highest level. It´s next to impossible to do it only for the money, fame or recognition. Each of them deeply loves the sport.

Brené Brown has revitalized a quote by Theodore Roosevelt, which I dedicate to my friend Ineta Mackevica, a professional of the sport. I have a pretty good idea how difficult it is to keep yourself in the arena, and to keep on pushing. I´ve seen your perseverance and progress over the years - it´s been a pleasure to watch. And by now I´m afraid I have no hope to ever win a match against you again :D

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt

What keeps a deep passion going for years on end?  What does it take to get good at anything?

I think it's mostly about two things: 1) community, and 2) a mastery approach;

Community - it means an emotional connection

I'm most grateful of the incredible friendships that have formed and grown over the years.

It's been huge fun to train, grow, and compete with the squash community. Whether it be the reaaaaallly hard summer camps at Jõulumäe (looking at you, Jaana Torp, Paul Piik and Andri Talts ), or the European Team Championships, or squash camps in Egypt, Netherlands or Germany, or Estonian Squash Academy sessions with sometimes more hockey than squash (Andri, looking at you again).

There're too many competitions, trainings and events to even account for. So many fond memories.
I've kept improving and chasing my national team mates for 10 years now, and together we've managed to push Estonian squash to a new level.

Some four-five years ago me and Paul decided - to hell with it, let's check out this new thing called CrossFit. And soon everybody followed. Booooy did the fitness of the whole team go through the roof. It's hard to think of a better match of two masochistic sports, the epic fitness CrossFit and the gladiatorial and intense squash.

I vividly remember in Alexandria, Egypt, an experienced Egyptian coach named Hassan being in shock when he saw the champ Paavo Piik dashing around the court for hours like mad:

"Who is this guy?? He has the fitness of a top 100 player. He gets absolutely everything back. I´m going to call him Spiderman from now on." And he kept his promise. I think Paavo is arguably the worlds fittest playwright and poet. Note to self - should contact Guinness Records book, see if a new entry can be made.

My teammates, the two pairs of brothers, still have all the national titles of the last 16 years. One day I´ll break that streak, I promise :)
A guy who knows a lot about building a community is Aleksander Shilov. He has dedicated his life to squash, and it´s awesome to see how many young players he has brought to squash. And the amount of epic dives he does on the court is only matched by the legendary pro Miguel Rodriguez - it's always incredibly entertaining to watch him play, and better yet, to play against him on the court.

I was looking through my competitive matches, and found a great battle with him - here´s a part of it :)
 Keep growing squash in Russia, Alex!

Mastery approach - it means loving the process

Willpower only gets you so far. You need to have a strong emotional connection to what you're doing. If you only crave the result, and don't enjoy the process, you´re pretty much doomed to a boatload of suffering. And even more suffering when you don´t get the desired results. But when you have a mastery approach, every slight improvement feels like a victory, and none of the trainings feel like it's something you have to force yourself to do.

To all the teachers and coaches

I never planned on starting to teach squash - it just happened.
 My love for the game grew and grew, and at one point I found myself on the court, showing the things I'd learned, and trying to explain something that I'd already struggled through. Then, one by one came opportunities to improve as a coach, and over the years I simply took each one of them, up to the highest possible certification that exists in squash. For no other reason than to learn more, to keep finding some new angles how to grow.

Add to it the joy and pure fun of learning together with a great community, and you get a formula that keeps on giving.
One of the highlights I'd say is the group of fabulous ladies I had the privilege to coach in Metrosquash for a few years. You were such an enthusiastic bunch, and I learned a lot together with you during that time. Thank you! :)

Oh, and I vividly remember the day when I was trying to show you a ladder footwork exercise, tripped on my own foot and smashed on the floor with a glorious thump. Quickly got up and proceeded to the end of the queue, red-faced and blushing.
By the way, do you remember this post on Squashskills blog? Come to think of it, it was my first blog post. Oh the times :)

But now I have a different challenge.
For the last few years it's been about teaching kids. When I took on the task, I understood that it's not a commitment for a season - the seeds take years and years to grow and bear fruit. Of course the improvement is very fast, but at the same time there´s a huge amount to learn to be a great player.

It's been quite a learning experience, teaching the age range 5-10, and if not for Paul and Andri, I'd probably have lost my mind. It´s far easier to be a trainer to a group of 15 women on 5 courts for 2 hours, than it is to try to teach two kids (5 and 6-year olds) for one hour. It´s an indescribable feeling I get when I´ve managed to do every imaginable exercise with them, and then look at the time and see that only 35 minutes have passed. They're obviously still brimming with energy, running and screaming around, and looking at me: whatnextwhatnext?!? uh-oh. panic mode.

Conclusion

I found out that above all I enjoy working with people who love learning and improvement, and who have a go-getter attitude. Who are striving to improve, day in day out. It gives me great pleasure to see them steadily make progress and reach new heights.

And of course there's the recognition of witnessing the struggle, and relating to it - I was there once. I only need to take the racquet to the other hand, and I'm back to being a beginner, having a felt sense of what a struggle it is to learn a new skill.

I don't really buy the whole hype of talent. Everyone I know who has achieved something remarkable has done it by putting in a crazy amount of hours of deliberate practice. There are no shortcuts, you still have to commit and put the reps in.

The formula is simple, but not easy:

    1) a lot of practice (preferably together with your tribe);
    2) get some theory to ground the learnings and adjust;
    3) repeat the first two steps.